How To Be An Ally To Other Women In Business

Delphine Carter is the Founder and CEO of Boulo, a recruitment platform that connects companies with exceptional candidates.

Secretary of State Madeleine Albright famously said, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Aggressive. But I believe it’s also accurate in reflecting the collective mindset shared by many women in business today: The solution starts with us.

To say that we need a solution is also to recognize that there is a problem. I argue that as long as women’s salaries average 82% of their male equivalents’, we have a problem. As an advocate for working mothers and caregivers, I believe collaboration can change that equation. For the broader industry, the question is, who are we inviting to collaborate?

Is it leadership? The Government Accountability Office says, “Women remain underrepresented in management roles in the U.S. Workforce.” Their survey shows that although women comprise 47% of the workforce, just 42% of managers are women.

Is it male allies? A 2022 Forbes article cited research showing that 77% of men believe they practice allyship at work, providing active support for all women; however, only 45% of women agree. If women aren’t seeing it, is it really happening?

I believe all of this means that women who work, 4.1 million strong, need to help each other. But what does support look like? And why now? These are important questions that deserve answers.

Do women need the help?

Unconscious gender bias is real and pervasive in American business, in men as well as women. The issue is that, when unrecognized and unchecked, gender bias can hold women back in their careers and disrupt efforts to build the diverse, equitable and inclusive cultures that companies say they want.

Consider this scenario from the nonprofit Lean In: “When a woman’s name was replaced with a man’s on a resume, evaluators were 60% more likely to say they would hire the applicant. When hiring managers believed a woman had children because ‘Parent-Teacher Association coordinator’ appeared on her resume, she was 79% less likely to be hired.”

Now consider that 70.3% of human resources managers are women. This tells us the problem isn’t just with men. So, let’s address the things we can control ourselves. To reach pay parity and be equitably reflected in leadership roles, women need to be the ones to break the cycles of socialization that we carry into the workforce and show up for each other daily.

What does support look like?

Workplaces can be stressful, unsupportive environments where employees routinely feel uncertain. Staff reorganizations, budget cuts and return-to-work policies can all contribute to a feeling that employees are interchangeable and that no job is truly safe. Add gender inequity to the burn pile, and we have the makings of an inferno.

This scarcity mindset has many women behaving as though they are personally threatened. This can show up as relational aggression: behaviors intended to harm others by deliberately manipulating their social standing and relationships. In real life, that can look like excluding other women, breaking confidence, derogatory comments and messages, and subtle comments and actions that demean or dismiss others.

The good news is that the workplace isn’t middle school, and when it comes to women supporting other women, a little goes a long way. Having even one trusted female “cohort” as an advocate or coach can make a positive impact. In my experience, the need for a posse that’s “been there, done that” is even more critical for women balancing the demands of family and work.

Being an ally to other women means we must carry as we climb, leveraging our voice and actions to support others. On the daily, it can take many forms, but I find that these fall into five categories of support:

1. Make the unconscious conscious. Take note of who talks during meetings and group work, where people sit in a room, who handles admin tasks for the group and what assumptions are made about abilities or capacity. When you see something that you know isn’t right, tackle it head-on. Challenge aggressions, clarify the behavior that is unacceptable and amplify women’s voices and contributions.

2. Manage the view. Be deliberate about how you view yourself and how others view you. Sit in the power seats during meetings, ask to speak, nominate other women to speak, and check any tendency you may have to agree or say yes to everything.

3. Find an ally, be an ally. Being an ally looks like building other women up! If a co-worker is doing a great job, tell other co-workers or inform your boss so they get the credit they deserve. Hold the door, save a seat and extend an invitation for coffee. Allyship starts when someone is secure enough in themselves to praise others.

4. Recognize healthy vs. unhealthy competition. Gossiping, backbiting and ostracizing are unacceptable. Work to understand your negative feelings for someone. Acknowledge your biases and remedy them. Cheer when other women get promotions.

5. Prioritize relationship building. Relationships can be women’s secret weapon. So, find your squad, plan recurring meetings, don’t cancel those meetings, and be the go-to for emergencies, honest advice or network introductions. Intentionally add others to your squad. Reach out to other working moms, and share strategies that have been used successfully.

Why now?

For the ninth year, Lean In commissioned a report on Women in the Workplace. The 2023 edition sadly reflects what many of us know to be true: “Despite some hard-fought gains, women’s representation is not keeping pace.” The study points to several challenges and solutions being implemented by top-performing companies. It also highlights actions we can take as individuals.

We need women supporting women. If you haven’t been actively working on the support you give, consider starting now. Together, we can reverse the stereotype that women don’t support other women, and demonstrate what research has already shown: Women who support women are more successful in business.

Forbes Business Council is the foremost growth and networking organization for business owners and leaders. Do I qualify?